Falling Forward

In this life, we are born alone and we die alone. But if we are lucky, the moments in between is filled with meaningful connections with others.

A cam model and former friend once suggested I watch a documentary on Netflix called "Happy". In that movie, what I got from it, is that happiness is about connecting with others, and being apart of something outside of/bigger than yourself.

I found joy in camming because of the relationships I've formed with both members and models. While it's been difficult for me to connect with members, I have thrived off the friendships I have formed with models.

In a situation where I feel I went from loving my life and thinking I was free, to hating my life and knowing I am trapped; I recognize that I am at a fork, and the decisions I make will define me. In life, all we can control is our actions and attitudes. In harm's way we can fight or flight, it is the only choice we have, and the only thing we can control, is our choice. Without control of our choices, we lose. We lose ourselves and we lose the person we want to be.

I've come to the realization I'm a mess, that I've been a mess. I didn't realize it has been over but now that it's done, I see it clearly.

I've been falling, while I didn't realize I fell, but now that I know, all I want is to fall forward.