03/12/20:

I haven't felt the need to write since my last post.

So, update, I am no longer attempting to end my life.

I adopted a cat.

I oftenly tell my friend who gifted her to me, that my cat may have saved my life.

For those of you who know me, it's a love-hate relationship between her and I.

But for my predisposition towards cats and my feelings towards mine... she must be something quite special.

But all that aside, I really need to rant. I have been here and there but I really need to put things down.

I've been under the weather sort of speak. I have expressed it to one of my managers whom I trust to not judge me, and he has undermine my illness at every turn and step. The first time I told him I was not feeling well, he blamed it on the tequila and or oysters. Then when my snot turned yellow/green and bloody, I took a picture and he told me it looked like a sinus infection. When I woke up with a sore throat last Thursday, Friday, then had to go into work on Friday... I felt trapped.

I reported each of my symptoms to my boss, and he disregarded them each and every time. Friday rolled around and I had one cancel because they were afraid we would go near Chinatown and get corona virus.  OK that's fine because I still spent that Friday in restaurants, a dessert place, shops, karaoke, arcade, bars, subway, etc... with my sore throat and all... with about a dozen other people.

While I was at the bar, which was the last place of the evening, I get a text message from my mom offering to send my face masks... I said "ok sure mom".

Monday, I get my face masks from my mom. Same night she sends me an article of how a Chinese man who was wearing a face mask got stabbed. It's unconfirmed whether or not the reason he got stabbed is due to discrimination of the mask, his race, or some other factor.

Now I'm faced with a new set of problems... wear a mask to potentially protect me from a virus, or risk people judging me and lashing out because I'm Chinese and wearing a face mask.

I'm not sure I can recall ever feeling so helpless.

Here are things that I am hearing:
Oh it's hype. This is how I look at it, "the last thing any government is to create mass hysteria, but Italy has shut down. Shutting down a COUNTRY has it's financial implications where they are not going to do it unless it is necessary."

The NBA has postponed games because from my perspective they can afford to, where as the NHL for now, are "consulting their medical experts" probably to wait to see how it plays out because they can't afford to shut it down.

Point, if a country is shutting the whole fucking country down and there's huge event venues being put to a halt.... can we please stop being in denial about this shit?

Seriously, this shit is real. I'm not saying you will get corona and die, but let's not make a joke out of this...

I'm not saying I have corona either, because my symptoms are not the same at all, I am sick, but being taken seriously and also discriminated against due to the symptoms i do have.