Crepes of Love:

Had a dream about bringing two eggs to the crepe stand, same stand that later started to sell the liangpi that I also have dreams about. 

To explain, the eggs are used for the crepes. Bringing eggs is a way to lessen the cost of the crepe, and it was the only way my grandma ever let my buy one. 

I always have dreams where I go and get crepes with eggs. 

This crepe stand was originally ran by a guy who was about my grandpa's age, and I remember him and his wife running their two stands as a child. 

As I got older, I left China and upon my return, the crepe man's son ran the stand. 

A few years later the stand was ran by a woman. I later found out this was the crepe man's son's wife. 

From man and wife that were my grandparents age to son and wife. 

Some years later I watched a child pee in the middle of the crepe stand and I kind of lost my appetite for them. 

But till this day, I'll chase down a crepe stand, in search of a memory. 

Each time I try, it feels empty.... like it's missing an ingredient, or two , or five. Sometimes it's so close but just not quite there and I am frustrated to tears. 

I remember the crepe man's wife telling me there was 5 different types of flour in the mixture... 

and that... is Love. 

I don't think I could ever offer them anything to divulge their family recipe, nor would I ever want to but I dream of their crepes.... crepes of love. 

The epitome of a mom and pop shop, passed down to son and wife, pissed in by their grandkids. 

Whenever I go back, I look for their stand, where ever it might be, I am there. 

And when I am there, I am brought back to my childhood. Relishing a moment of wealth because I got permission to bring two eggs and buy a crepe. 

I miss home. I miss the crepes, I miss my godmother who is my moral compass. 

Truthfully, I think I miss the most naive and innocent corner of my soul. That fragment of me that was pure, and I don't mean in a sexual virgin sense, just a light hearted sense. A soul without the weight of the world on it's shoulders. 

I miss being light. 

or lighter... I was never really light. just lighter than I am now. I've got a craving for liangpi and a fear that if I get an RV and leave NYC I won't be able to console myself with food the way I have in the past few years.