Fear:

I got a text on the 10th, from my college boyfriend who I dated for 3.5yrs. Despite the fact that I ignored his text, it still brought back a lot of pain, memories, and resentment.

Last night, I was upset and I responded. I blamed him for my lack of trust and all he wanted was to talk in person and try dating again. What the fucking fuck?!?!?! KILL ME.

There's not a fucking chance in hell.

I spent all night crying my eyes out. Aside from losing my grandpa, I have never ever cried so hard in my life. I was crying because my heart hurts. I hate the fact that I can't just enjoy a person's company without the fear of getting hurt.

That in itself is painful.

While my heart hurts, my brain tells me that what I feel right now is nothing in comparison to what I will be feeling about this down the road.

I just hurt so much right now, but my brain tells me that it will be okay.

Funny how people get jealous of who I'm fucking or seeing, yet they don't realize just how difficult it is for someone to stay in my life because I, myself, will innately isolate myself out of fear.