Leave it to me to find a perfectly good guy and my only thought is, "I'm going to get hurt and I'm not going to let that happen".
I honestly am not completely sure why I do this to myself. Why can't I just have a good thing and not be afraid?
The last person I tried to date was two years ago. He told me he was emotionally unavailable and I thought to myself, "I'm going to make you love me".
This time when a guy tells me he doesn't want a relationship right off the bat, my thought is, "I have to do everything in my power not to like this guy, or else I'm just going to get hurt again".
Some where between making out with girls, threesomes and a sex party, I realized I was trying to distance myself emotionally, but none of that worked. It only made me like him more. How stupid is that?
I see his face in every guy I look at, I've been craving hamburgers every freaken day, and all of it is driving me nuts. I hate feeling insecure. My fear of being hurt is making me want to go back to pretending like I'm a fearless badass with no heart.
On the other hand, what I want at this moment, is to cuddle up with The Princess Bride, and remember why I think I can't see this guy any more because he sparked something inside of me: the I desire to believe in true love.
Even this post is confusing me. Do I want to find someone to love or do I want to be alone? At this pace I'm going to die alone.
I'm going to make myself a burger and watch The Princess Bride, perhaps that will make me feel better.
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